Stuffed with memories

4 year old Caroline with Puddin' (in the pink checkered dress)  The only thing that remains
from this picture is the sweet little girl (who has grown up a lot)

Here we are at the rental house - with hardly any toys, my returned sewing machine but no fabric, rental furniture, no family pictures and our second day surrounded by ice and home from school.  I love having my kids home from  school but this has been a challenge.  We need routine right now.  I need to know that as I sit here ticking off the days, that at my real house, people are working to rebuild it.  These icy days are like days in purgatory - no progress is being made.

Last night Bart and I worked once again on the long list of items that we lost, trying to assign a value, age and replacement source for each one.   The task is tedious and emotional.  I try to picture every single thing in William's room - everything hanging in the closet, every single piece of clothing in every drawer, every toy under the bed, every keepsake.  We did not list the $4.99 ordinary night light that overheated and caused all of this destruction.  On the list are 5 beds and mattresses (Owen had two twins), four sets of Pottery Barn kids sheets, all pillows, all medicines, toiletries, all children's books, many American Girl items, really the list goes on and on.  I think Bart is both impressed and disturbed at my ability to remember prices.  Gap Kids pjs - $22!  And he thought he had to look it up- which he did and then confirmed that they are $22.

Baby William laying on Howard the dog (named by Caroline)

The hardest thing for me is the stuffed animals.  I didn't know I had a connection to these stuffed animals before the fire.  Some from Caroline and Owen's rooms may come back.  It depends on where they were in the room (toy box in closet, was the closet door closed etc.)  Of course, none of William's will come back and in the top of his closet were stored some family favs.  Chocolate the bunny from my days working at FAO Schwarz, Big Bunny, the Paddington my mom made, Puddin', Howard the dog, Pearl the Mermaid, the big duck from Caroline's first Easter basket and more.

Caroline with Dorothy, her first project on her new sewing machine

The funny thing is that as the mom, I knew the names of all of these stuffy fluffy friends and their origins.  In case you were wondering how long it takes for stuffed animals to repopulate, it is 1 week.  Within 1 week of the fire, my children owned approximately the same number of stuffed animals as they did before the fire - all gifts from friends.  They all have names but I can't remember them.  I can't remember which one came from who.  Although I am thankful that they have brought enormous comfort to my children, to me they are impostors.  They are fire animals and can not replace the ones that I mourn for and the memories that go with them.

Owen and friends - 2008

I will miss you sweet stuffy fluffies.  You were my children's first friends.  I'm sure God hasn't heard many requests to save stuffed animals, but I sure have been praying that we will see some favorites from Caroline and Owen's room return.  I guess to me it would restore a little of their innocence that existed before the fire.

Stuffed animal wedding 2010

William just came in and told me two of his eyelashes fell out and would I like to make a wish on one.  Yes, please.  I wish for Gigi's handmade Raggedys, Corwin the giant sheep, Sprinkles the giant pink dog, two little piglets that baby Caroline used to rub the ears on, Dorothy the monster, 3 American Girl dolls, a komodo dragon from Disney World and Maria the yodeling goat.  Is that too many wishes for one eyelash?   I hope not.