If you don't have anything nice to say........

my three of 1.5 million - September 2005

A few days ago, I was getting my nails done.  Because, I really don't want my baby to think that my cuticles need trimming.  You expectant moms know what I mean.  Anyway, I was getting my nails done and the nail lady asks me if I have children and I tell her that I have three and then I think, what the heck, I'll tell her that my fourth is coming this week.  So I do and it takes her only 5 minutes to tell me that she knows someone who knows someone who had a horrible adoption experience and that the birth mom "snatched" the baby back.

So here is a public service announcement:   you are not being a kind, helpful human being when you bring to the surface another person's supressed fear.   I do not ever want to hear about an adoption story gone wrong.  I truly have no clue why people want to tell me those stories and it happens so often.  What is their purpose?  It makes me want to walk away immediately.  Bart and I passed on showing our profile to many, many adoption situations that we felt were too risky for our family.   We love our birth mom.  While she does have a legal right to her baby for 5 days after birth and can choose to parent,  she has promised this baby to us.  In return, we have promised to love him unconditionally forever as our own while remaining eternally grateful to her and her hard decision.  We have built a trusting relationship with her.  But I should not have to explain that to anyone (like the nail lady).  There are currently 1.5 million people in the United States who are adopted.  That's 1.5 million success stories - three of them living in my house.  And not just success stories for the adoptive parents and children but for the birth parents as well who know that their children are thriving and loved.

I remember this time last year, when we were moving back to our house after rebuilding from the fire and someone said to me "I know people who had a fire, rebuilt and then lightning struck their house and burnt it down."    WHAT?   Why would you ever tell me that?  Especially the week when I am trying to convince my children, and myself, that the house is safe to move back into?

I was recently reading a blog of a mom I know who is pregnant with breast cancer - a strong, faithful, beautiful mom.  She listed things that she needs from people who support her and this one struck me:
"To ONLY talk of survivorship.  Please do not mention folks who have died from cancer.  This news is very raw and I only want POSITIVE energy around me."


To that I say - you go Tara!  I am covering you in positive energy.


So as they say.  If you don't have anything nice to say...........


don't say it at all.


End of public service announcement.  Tomorrow - pictures of the nursery.